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Avoiding
Homeschool Burnout
by
Isabel Shaw
Mother
Overload
Yes, there is one downside to homeschooling. Does it happen to
everyone? Are some moms more prone to burnout than others? How
can you cope, and more importantly, how can you prevent it? To
find out, I asked my team of experts - dozens of homeschooling
moms - if they experience burnout, and how they deal with it.
Their answers may surprise you.
Nearly
every homeschooling mom interviewed has, at one time or another,
found herself "at the end of her rope." Homeschool organizer
Nancy Plent (Unschoolers Network) said it best: "Most of
us are the authors of our own stress. We want everything to be
perfect and go according to schedule, everyone in the family to
be happy all the time... well, life just doesn't run that smoothly."
Even so, for homeschooling moms it's essential things at home
"run smoothly." Home is both our work place and family
place. When something disrupts that environment, trouble can arise.
Symptoms
of Burnout
The moms I spoke with discussed a variety of symptoms:
· Crying easily
· Lack of patience
· Overeating or no appetite
· Overreacting to minor issues
· Making irrational decisions
Often
you have no sense of priority, and what usually does not phase
you, suddenly does - in a big way. One mom described her burnout:
"I just wanted everyone (in my family) to go away!"
Causes
Homeschooling moms report being hit particularly hard by the "non-negotiables"
- those situations in life over which we have no control:
· Illness
· New baby
· Added responsibility
· New job
· Moving
· Change in routine
Then
there are stressful circumstances you can control: Over-scheduling
activities, unrealistic expectations, rigid adherence to a curriculum,
lack of support, and too many commitments. In short, trying to
be a homeschool "Super Mom." Surprisingly, the solutions
to stress factors that are either in or out of our control are
very similar.
What
You Can Do
Most moms agreed that burnout, while unpleasant and difficult,
was not necessarily a bad thing. It's a signal that something
needs to be changed, and changed quickly. Homeschooling author
Micki Colfax (Homeschooling for Excellence) advises parents about
burnout: "If you're feeling stressed, you're doing too much.
Cut back. Lighten up. Time is on your side." Along with that
advice, try these tips:
1.
Lower your expectations. My 82-year-old mother broke her pelvis
earlier this year and moved in with us. It was very stressful
maintaining our routine and caring for an elderly parent. Organized
learning was just about impossible. Fortunately, I saw "burnout"
on the horizon and let go of any ideas of formal learning. For
over two months we did nothing that resembled schoolwork. Watching
my two girls learn to care for their grandmother and seeing the
love grow between the generations was a far more valuable lesson
than anything I could have taught them.
Lowered
expectations apply to all of those non-negotiable situations that
arise. Housework really can wait; sandwiches are fine for dinner.
Children learn from watching their parents. As they see you cope
with difficult situations, they learn to draw from their own inner
strength. Whatever organized learning the kids skip this month
they can make up next month, or even next year, if necessary.
2.
Be flexible. If something isn't working, be willing to try something
different. Remember: There should be no tears on either side.
If tensions rise, put aside whatever work you're doing (or thinking
about doing) and head for the park or the skating rink, or go
for a bike ride. Try playing a board game or reading a funny book
together. Remember why you're homeschooling: You have the freedom
to choose what, when, and where your children will learn. Today's
cranky child will be tomorrow's eager learner if you allow some
space when conflicts arise as you homeschool.
3.
Change your teaching style. Dr. Raymond Moore, author of Home
School Burnout, believes: "The most frequent cause (of burnout)
is the use of conventional 'packaged' curricula, keeping the mother
and children tied to books for hours a day." Re-creating
school at home is a mistake many homeschoolers make. When dealing
with younger children, this can spell disaster.
Mary
Pride (The Big Book of Home Learning) suggests asking yourself:
"Am I overdoing it? Am I making simple subjects too fancy?
What can I eliminate? Do I need to be doing this at all? Is my
child too young for this subject? Should I give it a rest? Are
there other worthwhile things we would like to study or do and
come back to this later?" Then read anything by John Holt.
Start with Teach Your Own or How Children Learn.
4.
Limit scheduled activities. Homeschool moms schedule too many
activities under the guise of "socializing" their kids.
This ultimately produces grouchy kids and a worn-out mom. Debra
Newby wrote about the Super Mom phenomenon and decided: "My
new philosophy is to say no to the good things, and yes to the
great things." Other moms suggested allowing kids to pick
two activities and drop the rest.
5.
Get support. Homeschool dads play a big role in alleviating or
eliminating homeschool burnout, with one caveat: They need to
be told to do it! Just about every mom agreed - dads didn't pick
up on the extent of the mom's difficulties. This, in itself, was
often the cause of additional stress. So don't hold your breath
waiting for your mate to lift the burden - tell him exactly what
you're feeling and what you want or need him to do. My group of
moms reported that dad helped by taking the kids for the day (out
of the house, of course!) and by assuming a little more responsibility
while mom recovered.
Dad
working extra hours or not available? Join a homeschool support
group. I also found help and support by joining homeschool email
groups - there are groups for every interest imaginable.
Final
Suggestions
Remember to schedule time for yourself, paying someone to stay
with your kids, if necessary. I try to get up at 6 a.m. to have
some quiet time. Sometimes I read, exercise, go through my mail,
or write a friend. This helps clear my mind before our busy day
begins.
Learn
to distinguish between what is essential, and what can be put
aside for the time being. Know what your priorities are and try
to stay focused on them. As your children grow and become more
independent, homechooling becomes easier. (Trust me on that one!)
Most importantly, remember that those "rough" times
are just temporary.
Success
will come when the realization finally sets in that the direction
of this homeschooling adventure is up to you. It's not about what
the school-kids are doing or what your mother-in-law says your
kids should be learning, but what you and your family have decided
will be your path of education. That is learning in freedom. And
when you're there (it took me several years), "mother overload"
will be just a memory.
Reprinted
with permission from Family Education Network:
http://school.familyeducation.com/home-schooling/stress/38363.html
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